


It really wasn't supposed to be a crush

by Anonymous



Category: ENHYPEN (Band), I-LAND (Korea TV), 엔하이픈 | Enhypen
Genre: Gen, I genuinely shoved all the Jakeki possible in there and I regret nothing, Jesus take the wheel because I have no beta reader, Pls use Ni-Ki to build the cred to his artist name and thanks ❤️, Someone stop me from making more nonsense or I will literally never stop, This was genuinely born out of the sweet comments on the prior part I have no hidden agenda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-28
Updated: 2020-10-28
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:00:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27239941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Feelings are a journey. One Ni-Ki doesn't want to take. Thank you very much. His heart is supposed to fit in his chest, how will it if he lets to many people in, huh? You didn't think about that, did you? So please, don't make yourself a spot in his heart because it's rude.
Relationships: By now we been knew I am Hoonki trash I guess, Park Sunghoon/Nishimura Riki | Ni-Ki, Shim Jaeyun | Jake & Nishimura Riki | Ni-Ki, So much Jakeki moments
Comments: 6
Kudos: 56
Collections: Anonymous





	It really wasn't supposed to be a crush

**Author's Note:**

> Warning as you proceed forward : Nothing makes sense but isn't it so great?

"So," The young teen inhales deeply. "I think I have a crush on Sunoo hyung."

"Oh." Jake blinks. "That's nice." He says, eyes trailing up to left. How was he gonna tell Niki that he was probably the last person to find out about that?

"It's very practical all things considered." Niki goes on, with a nod.

The australian male's eyebrow creased together as his gaze returned to his interlocutor. "Practical?" He questioned, a little confused.

"Out of all the people to get a crush on, he's the most practical choice." Niki reiterates like it clarifies anything. Then huffs upon seeing the confusion in Jake's features. "Come on, K hyung is like my dad, so that rules him off. Heeseung hyung is like way out of my league and probably a little territorial over Jungwon hyung. You're...." He clears his throat. "Oh, you, I need you. You'd be perfect, really. Except if I can't literally tell you everything that goes in my mind, I'll loose it. You're way too precious to waste on a crush. So yeah, Sunoo hyung. We've been sticking together for a while now and he's bright and bubbly, which I tend not to be. So, see, we complete each other."

Jake is trying really hard to ignore the part about him, even though he might have brought a hand to his chest and lightly tilted his head to the side in utter fondness. Yeah, no, he's not ignoring it. "I'd be perfect? But you love me too much? Awwww." He reached out to pinch Niki's cheek but ended up with a hand gently wrapped against his wrist and a disapproving shake of the head. Jake pouted as the hand was led back to his lap. "Fine." He eventually said. "But at some point, I'm gonna sneak one on you and you'll have no choice but to take my affection."

"Oh I'm certain." Niki replied. "But not now. Morning talks are sacred."

Jake giggles. "People underestimate how dramatic you are."

"You have no idea." Niki agrees, bending forward to lay his head on the dining table. "It's sort of disappointing. Like please, my favorite idol is Michael Jackson. How does it not scream drama and dazzle."

Jake nods. "Yeah, fair enough." He admits. "To go back to the crush thing, are you sure? Because, until we talked about it, I was kind of suspecting it. But now, it doesn't feel like it anymore..."

"What?!" Niki sits up. "Excuse me? Have you seen the way I look at Sunoo? It's embarrassing!"

"True." Jake concedes. "But," His eyes shoot to the ceiling as he inhales, pondering his words. "I... Maybe it's stupid. But do you think, you have to have a crush? Because it sounds like you put a lot of thinking into finding the best contender and nobody does that."

Niki faintly narrows his eyes, a hand moving to the back of his neck. "I..." He gently massages the area. "To be honest, I don't really know. I think I've never quite had friends like any of you guys, and all this fast paced affection is so confusing. It'd be so much easier if I had just one recipient to shove it all in to be honest. And Sunoo is a cute recipient."

Jake laughs at that. He'll apologize later, eventually. But currently, Jake can only laugh. Even when Niki punches him in the shoulder for it and curse at his lack of his support. Yeah, Jake is still laughing when Jay and Kei approach the dining space after hitting the gym.

"What's so funny?" Jay eventually asks.

"Nothing." Jake replies. "But now I can't stop thinking about K hyung trying to bench press you like one giant bar." His lips curl up in renewed glee at the thought.

He narrowly dodges a sweaty hand coming to smack the back of his head. So much for 02' liners solidarity. "Nice try. But you should drink water before you dry up like an apricot." He remarks. And Jay leaves him alone to rejoin K whose now peering into the fridge. Jake takes the occasion to wink at Niki who offers a small smile of gratefulness. People severely underestimate Jake's acting capabilities.

_And Niki heavily overestimates his._

Not that he is acting much. Having a crush on Sunoo is easy. He's forward, approachable, bright and very affectionate. All in all, it's pleasant. And now Niki's affection is equally distributed between his dad, K, his other dad, Hanbin, his confident slash sanity preserver, Jake, his twin from another mother Taki, and his crush, Sunoo. He doesn't neglect the others, mind you. Jay and him have an easy understanding of how another and they mesh well. They're both more hiphop oriented and chiller in attitude. It reminds Niki of Nicholas. It was easy to be with Nicholas. He misses, Nicholas. Jay too. Maybe that's why they're so good at being together without asking too much of the other, that sensation that it could disappear. Now, with Heeseung and Jungwon, it's like extended family you see on holidays. A bit awkward at first but always a pleasant company once you've eased back in the bond and spend a little time in each other's close quarters. They're good friends. Jungwon is cute, in a sort of pristine way that you like to watch exist and breathe the same air of without ever truly seeking for more. Great to admire from afar, very sweet to hang out with up close. Daniel is the only person who calls him hyung and Niki will be damned if he does something uncool in front of him. He's got a baby bro and he loves it. As for Sunghoon, well, he's there. No, no, it's not a bad thing. Sunghoon is that high school unapproachable cool kid that is part of three varsity teams, head of the student council and leads anti-bullying and environmental campaigns. Sunghoon is the reason for vegan options at the refectory. You walk past Sunghoon, you nod when he acknowledges you, and otherwise, well you simply exist in another sphere than Sunghoon. Unless you're like, Jake, Jay or Heeseung. Sunoo too. Sometimes. Sunoo's a chameleon.

Xx

Niki doesn't actually know how to properly distribute his affection. That's why he's literally holding Jungwon's hand now that they've had dinner and refuses to let go. He won't. It's over. Now Jungwon is in his heart too. With a half asleep Heeseung with sweater paws and a pink hoodie confusedly making his way around the dining room to get breakfast. How is nobody addressing the fact that baby Daniel is the one giving away clothes to his hyungs? Daniel has squishable cheeks, but Daniel is also very good at temper controlling. So Niki needs him and he definitely deserves a place in that supposedly tiny heart. So many people to cram in there, so much affection that Niki might actually vomit some cheesy words if someone just smiles at him right.

But there's one constant in all this: Sunghoon remains an unapproachable cool kid and that's frickin amazing. You go you funky former ice skater turned full seasoned idol trainee. Thank you for being that one human being not desperately trying to sneak your way into Niki's heart. Admiration and respect are enough.

Niki about cries when Jay wraps his arms around his neck and gently presses his chin atop of his forehead. Sneaky affection. _Dis-gos-tang_. He secretly wishes it never stops as Jay merely continues his conversation with Kei over his head. Jake gives him shit for that over breakfast the following day.

_So much for controlling whom you direct your affection towards._

Now Niki is holding hands and hugging people who are not K, Hanbin, Taki or Jake. It's not good. He's supposed to be stoic and focused on debuting. There's no room for such bonds when you'll have to see other go. It's a survival program and Niki himself in hanging by a thread. He can't start wishing nobody would leave. He does though. He does, so hard that his heart his aching. Because he doesn't want to go either. But really, what's the solution to that conundrum then? Break the giant egg, shove all the trainees in his pocket and move to Guadalajara under the name of Rickael Nackson? Feels a little obvious. (And not very Mexican) Yeah, he should definitely give more thought to his alias. Nishimura Riki and Mickael Jackson just don't go together that well.

_Oh, it gets worse._

It gets so much worse when Sunghoon starts to actively acknowledge his existence past the requirements of living together. They're no longer passerby friends, they have to be friends friends now? What is that? More affection? Why is Sunghoon suddenly all in his private space, hugging him and looking so pleased to see him. He has no business looking so excited to see Niki. They live together. Its not an odd occurrence. However, Niki is so frickin glad when he sees the rest of team flame on. His two dads? Baby Daniel?! And Jay! Oh this is amazing! Team Flame On is gonna bring the fire to that stage!

He doesn't think too much about his heart when he's focused on giving a good performance. This is right up his alley, he knows. He just has to understand it all well. Luckily, Daniel is willing to give him pointers regarding the lyrics and their meanings. And it's great, because Daniel has the prettiest voice Niki has ever heard. And yes, he's biased but Daniel is his baby brother and he will fight whomever disagrees. Unless it's Sunoo. Because Daniel and Sunoo can both have the prettiest voice Niki has ever heard. With Hanbin hyung. And maybe... No. Hold on right there. This isn't helping with the emotion control part of everything. Shaking his head, Niki looks up to find K cracking a joke at Hanbin hyung. And they all giggle. And it's loud in the repetition room. The atmosphere shifts with it. And before Niki knows, most of them are on their feet bouncing as they sing at the top of their lungs. If that's what being an idol is like, then Niki doesn't want to do anything else.

He realizes the pillow incident later on, while he's playing the piano on his own. It's not an incident though. Niki just is nice. It certainly does not mean Sunghoon is also creeping his way up his heart. There's no more space there. It's gonna burst if he continues letting people in like that.

_Lie._

He'll cram as many people as he can in there. And if he loves too much, he's certain some won't mind handing some pieces of their own heart to put in the creases of his own overstretched one.

People do give away pieces of their own hearts to mend his own. Niki knows in the way Sunoo is holding him tight like he wasn't crying about Hanbin's departure too. Taki. Then Hanbin. They both know it's taking a ridiculous toll on one another. Niki squeezes harder. Comfort can go both ways.

Xx

It's weird not to fall asleep to one of Jake's dumb joke. It's the first time since the beginning of part two. Kei tries his best to fill the silence with recommendations and promises that things will be okay in the end. Niki wants to believe. He wants. He doesn't manage. But K keeps talking. Enough for Sunoo's worries to fade. He falls asleep first. And Kei easily lowers his voice, switching to japanese to be clearer. And he talks, and he talks, and Niki listens and breathes it in. Success has an odd smell. He falls asleep to the reassuring voice.

_It's just them now._

_It's the final week._

Niki decides to be affectionate to his heart's content. It might be the last time he sees some of the trainees in a long while. He doesn't think he'll make it to the final seven cut. But it's okay. He's young and talented, he's certain of it. And also, he wishes everybody else could make it. So there's no sad ending either way. He shouldn't think like that, he knows. But it makes it easier to breathe.

Meals equates random dance breaks now. It also means everybody drinking from Sunoo's glass. He hates it. At least until you remind him he's pretty and prettiness draws others towards it like a sexy magnet. That gets him giggling. Niki gets away with it and disappears in the pantry, dancing his way to the trash can. And he dances around, sometimes with people who'll match, sometimes on his own because his heart is light. Dancing is like breathing for him. Whatever happens, he's never gonna stop.

Then Sunoo spills Sunghoon's glass. The hyung throws his head back in utter despair, and Niki amenably wraps his arms around his neck. Not that Sunghoon needs that much appeasing, mind you, he doesn't have a temper. But it's easy. So Niki holds onto him for a little bit. K, ever the reliable hyung comes through with the wipes while the rest chants Sunoo's name. Niki does too as he holds onto Sunghoon's shoulders. Then Sunoo starts cleaning, so Niki participates right away. He had no part in making the mess, mind you. But it's their mess now. That's how it works. That's why K and Sunghoon pick up wipes too. It's weird, the group mind thing. It's so much affection and support and he doesn't think he can let go of anyone anymore. Especially not now that he knows Sunghoon can actually crack funny jokes? This is major points in his heart. Especially if Sunoo is the one giggling at them.

Xx

"So where are we on the Sunoo crush thing?" Jake asks, as they catch up with one another during their ritual breakfast talk.

Niki sighs. "It's either I have a crush on everyone here, either I didn't really have that big of a crush on Sunoo."

Jake hums. "Both two very valid possibilities. Flattering too."

"You really want me to have a crush on you, huh?" Niki asks, narrowing his eyes.

"Would it do wonders to my ego? Probably. Would I be incredibly flattered about it? For sure. But do I want it? No." Jake replies. "I want you to have what you want. Besides, you already think I'm the most attractive here. I have won." Niki punches his shoulder. The australian male pouts, rubbing at his arm.

"I knew I should have put down Sunghoon like everybody else." Niki says.

"Why didn't you?" Jake asks.

"He's too pretty." Niki replies, narrowing his eyes. "I don't like perfection. It hurts my soul."

"Weird way to let me know you think I'm imperfect." Jake says.

"But hyung," Niki puts a hand atop of Jake's. "You're imperfect in the most perfect ways. And that's all that matters to me."

" _Bro..._ " Jake says softly.

" _Bro..._ " Niki replies.

"Guys! Come on!" Heeseung interrupts. "You've been having _'breakfast'_ for 45 minutes! Rehearsals start in ten!" He informs before taking off. Niki and Jake share a final glance, sigh and decide to follow after their hyung. It's the final test after all. They can't slack. Their future literally depends on it.

Xx

_Fuck._

It's his name. They've called his name. And tears are rolling down already as Niki steps forward. He sniffles his way through thank yous and move to join Heeseung. They hug.

Another name is announced. It's Jake. And Niki smiles. Because it's another member that proudly stands besides him as Enhypen. Then it's Jay. And the lineup is starting to look good. Crowded. But good.

Jungwon. Yang Jungwon is number one. And it's such a relief honestly. Niki has spent a week with a panicked Jungwon who'd never ranked so low before. He knows what it feels to fail.

Only two spots left. Niki swallows. He doesn't like the lineup left. It's all family now. It's huge pieces of his heart that stand awfully close but will eventually move away. He doesn't think he can let go. He squeezes his eyes shut and waits.

Tears spill as soon as Sunoo's name is announced. And truly, Niki loves Sunoo. They've stuck together since week 4. But this, it's... He shakes his head, still covering his mouth with his hand as tears spill. K not making it? K not coming with him? With them? Taki. Hanbin. And then, K?

He still smiles when Taki lunges towards him and it does feel like a victory of sorts for a bit. Then it's Daniel who comes, Daniel whose got reddened eyes and still offers a genuine smile. And tears roll down again. Daniel holds him tight, like he's tiny and worth taking care of. Daniel holds him like his sadness is justified somehow and his emotions worth expressing. And Niki cries some more because it's literally saying goodbye to his baby brother who shyly asks Jay to make him food but will also beatbox for 45 mins just to shoot a 45 seconds video. Daniel who has the voice of an angel and a heart of gold to match.

_It's all messed up._

_And unfair._

_The line up, nine of them, was perfect._

Eventually, Niki stops crying and Daniel withdraws to take a good look at his face. "Honestly, it would have been unfair if you hadn't made it."

"I hate you." Niki says, earning himself a chuckle. They both know he meant the opposite. But it's too hard to say right now. "You'll make it too right?" He asks, just to be sure. And Daniel nods, fresh tears welling in his eyes. "Ahh." Niki sighs, cupping the maknae's face with his hands. "Our tall tall baby." He sniffles. "I give you five years to be debuted too. Then I swear I'm getting that cover of butterfly with you. And we'll make our fans loose their mind over it."

"I knew you had secretely learned the choreography." Daniel says and chuckles. Niki laughs.

"Can I interrupt?" Nicholas asks. Of course, Daniel nods politely and steps aside. Niki just let the hug happens. He never fights when it's Nicholas. He just closes his eyes and presses his head to his hyung's chest. Nicholas is the only person allowed to make him feel like a tiny kid. Soon enough, there's added pressure on his back and this is a jopping trio hug now.

"You made it." Hanbin says and squeezes a little harder. There's a smile in his voice, Niki can tell. He doesn't know how they all do it. Be so happy. He isn't so happy and he's made it.

The hug with K is the hardest. None of them say a word. It's eerily quiet despite a loud stage, as they hold onto one another, eyes shut. _It was supposed to be you_ , remains unuttered.

Xx

_Enhypen-imnida._

_엔하이픈 입니다._

_We are, Enhypen._

It's just the seven of them now. They've all been shoved into suits and put make up on. And it's barely been hours. They're all processing everything still. Or at least, Niki is. He's in way over his head, isn't he? He's what? 14. Literal child. And this is his life goal. He's gonna make it, now. But what if it isn't great? And what if he can't manage to keep up? Why does he start worrying about those things now?

Jake pokes his cheek. "How does it feel being our official maknae?"

"Just try to baby me, give it a shot. We'll see what happens then." Niki replies, easy as breathing.

"Please, we already did." Jay replies. "I literally fed you for weeks."

"Yeah but you fed everyone." Niki argues.

"Touché." Jay agrees.

"Yeah, with hindsight, we didn't really baby you before." Exception being K but it might be a little too soon to point that out. So Jake just says: "Missed opportunities."

"Don't." Niki says and minutely shakes his head. "You have Jungwon! He's got the baby face to match!"

"Meh. Heeseung and Jay already have shared custody over Jungwon." Jake says. "You'll be my son from now on." He wraps an arm around Niki's shoulder and the maknae just sighs.

"Does that automatically makes me, Sunghoon's baby?" Sunoo asks, wiggling his eyebrows.

"No." Sunghoon says. "I don't want a baby. I want to be the cool uncle who brings gifts and whom you breaks rules with."

"Huh..." Heeseung narrows his eyes, eyebrows drawing together. " _You...?_ "

"Please, whose idea do you think it was to scare Jay into believing there was a ghost? Or piling random items on Niki's gigantic sheep head while he was asleep?" Sunghoon gestures at himself.

Jay punches him in the shoulder. "I knew it was you in the laundry room."

Sunghoon just sticks his tongue out in retaliation. Which is part of the very few times Niki actually gets to witness than pristine mask slip. Basically, there has been two others. The sheep costume evening, which, interesting way to learn Sunghoon speaks enough japanese to curse at you. And, that one time he was yelling about porks feet and yet Heeseung looked like he was the one who had lost his sanity.

Niki laughs a little at the memories. So fresh, but memories already. And then they're called for the opening announcement to their WeVerse.

_They are, Enhypen now._

_And he's Ni-Ki._

_But he's not certain he knows who that is yet._

Xx

Ni-Ki spends an increasing amount of time with Jake. It's not on purpose. But Jake is easy to be around. And Ni-Ki likes easy these days because NOTHING FUCKING IS. Sunoo is great, but Sunoo is also incredibly confident in his own image and will try to sneakily take pictures. Ni-Ki doesn't want his less than perfect face in the feed of so many people. He's working on the whole selca thing, okay. But give him some time. Especially since some fans might actually be disappointed it's just him and not another member. Disappointing them twice over with a bad selca sounds like the stuffs for nightmares. Should be avoided at all costs. Point being: Jake doesn't try to take pictures. And Jake is also a gamer. Well, as much of a gamer as a full time idol can be. So that's phone games for you. Niki still think he's the coolest gamer there is.

_Until..._

Until Sunghoon joins them after school. And unlocks that level of Button and Cutting Puzzles they've been stuck on for the past 45 minutes. For a second there, Ni-Ki genuinely wonders if Sunghoon is a hidden genius of sorts and takes back his phone in utter awe. "Dude, I love you." Jake says. And it's normal enough between the two that Sunghoon just winks, pointing at his friend and sits nexts to them. They stay huddled together in the rehearsing room until they actually have to rehearse.

Ni-Ki downloads Geometry Dash. Because both Jake and Sunghoon have finished it and he wants to know what the hype is about. Well, it sucks. That's what he tells Kei, in great details. And Jungwon doesn't understand why Ni-Ki keeps playing even though he mumbles _'I hate you, I deeply hate you stupid square unable to survive on its own more than ten seconds'_ every time he looses. Well, Jungwon doesn't understand until Jay and Sunghoon return from school. But he's not certain Ni-Ki has figured that part out so he says nothing. He got back from school too, his brain might just be exhausted.

Xx

Sunghoon is weirdly pulling away recently. He's not cold, per say. He's nice even. But he's quieter. And he doesn't joke with Ni-Ki anymore. It's not too bad. Because he's still very cordial, but Ni-Ki misses it. Even the annoyed huff announcing Sunghoon is gonna take his phone and finish a level at the random game he's downloaded in the week. Sunghoon is unfairly good at it all. Either God didn't withheld his gifts to that kid, or, he spent all his free time playing away.

Ni-Ki talks about it with K. Or more so, complains in japanese to his hyung, who just laughs and throws in unhelpful advices like _'have you tried talking to him about it'_ , _'you should let people know you care'_. Right. As if. That sounds a lot like acknowledging emotions Ni-Ki barely understands still, so no thanks. Pretending to be an ostrich and burying your head in the sand sounds a lot more fun. If he can't see the feelings, the feelings can't see him either.

Xx

Okay. So Ni-Ki won't actually talk. But he can, act. He's been trying to act more lately. Do the whole affection thing? Where you like, hug people because you can. No particular reason. It's weird. It does feel a little good. Because Jay rubs his back and Heeseung feels a lot freeer to touch him in small ways now, like pat his head or pull him close. He's also heavily holding Jungwon's hand, which, not very new. But a lot more often. Jungwon doesn't question it and always offer dimpled smiles so it's a win for everyone really. You're welcome. Now you're all indebted to Ni-Ki for that free dose of cuteness. With Sunoo and Jake, well, things don't change. Those are the original recipients of Ni-Ki's affection. It's easy as breathing to let his head fall on Jake's shoulder or let Sunoo hold onto his arm whenever.

_It's still frickin hard with Sunghoon though._

It's like it's working in reverse? Ni-Ki will just try to reach out for his hyung and boom, he's out of reach. Well, no. Not always. Sometimes he indulges and it doesn't feel forced? Like, he might actually be enjoying it too? During Chuseok, the gaming squad is reunited. And they actually have a good time. It's like Sunghoon is less stuffy all of sudden and a lot more inclined to let proximity happen. They jump around and they hug and they laugh. And Ni-Ki doesn't understand why this can't be a thing on a regular day.

_So he'll make it a thing on regular days._

Xx

_His occasion comes very soon after taking that resolution actually_.

He'd left repetition to take a walk and had ended in a super, buying all the snacks he wanted because he could. He was growing, okay? Plus, he needed the comfort these days. Food never, ever, lets you down or complicates your feelings. Talking about feelings, maybe, he'd eventually share with others. After all, sharing was caring right? And he's trying to do more of that caring thing.

After an earful from his manager on safety and health concerns, Ni-Ki is eventually informed that a car will come pick it up. And begged not to get into any car that stops in front of him but actually wait for a driver he'll recognize with passengers he knows. It's not like he's ten. He knows that sort of things. Well, he's fourteen but he's mature okay? Not mature enough to face his feelings but mature. Ish. Sometimes.

So currently, Ni-Ki is carrying several grocery bags. And of course, Sunghoon is getting out of the car to greet him. Ni-Ki rolls his shoulders and decides to take the opportunity he knows will come, because Sunghoon is definitely the kind of person caring enough to offer a hand. He even says "here, let me—" Effortlessly, Ni-Ki shifts all the grocery bags to one hand and simply takes Sunghoon's hand in his. "That's not what I was going for." The former ice skater points out, fairly confused. Handholding had never come up before. It's true. But it's proximity okay. Thick, heavy, you can feel the ghost of a touch afterwards, proximity. And it's a very fucking difficult step to take so Sunghoon better appreciate it.

"Yeah, well," The maknae eventually speaks with a dismissive shrug, like it's easy. Like his neck isn't heating up and going scratchy. "Now you just have to commit to it." He offers in lieu of a real reply, quasi dragging a confused Sunghoon towards the car here to pick them up. Well, technically, it's here to pick Ni-Ki up. Sunghoon was in said car, much like Jungwon who'd been napping since they made their way back from school.

"What's in there anyway? Did Jay give you a list?" Sunghoon questions, eyes falling on the telltale white plastic with a tinge of judgement.

"No." Ni-Ki chooses to reply. "And stop glaring at them." He asks, before offering a nod to their driver and getting into the car.

"Gosh, you're annoying for someone I came to help." Sunghoon says, purposefully getting in the seat right behind his interlocutor. Well, Ni-Ki can guess the handholding didn't shock him too badly then. Good. "Aren't you supposed to be rehearsing with the others anyway?"

"If you must know, I already nailed the choreography and apparently me doing tiktok challenges is distracting." Ni-Ki replies. "When it's Sunoo it's cute but when I try to do the Dawndididawn challenge it's stomping around like a baby elephant."

Sunghoon narrows his eyes. "You're a classically trained dancer, you don't stomp."

Ni-Ki's lips curl up. So Sunghoon remembered. "Huh... Right." He agrees. "I don't accidentally stomp."

Sunghoon sighs deeply, leaning back into his seat. "Again, our outings being controlled is a matter of safety and you wandering around on your own is giving white hair to many people."

"Yeah, well I lived alone for a while. I'm not three. I don't need a babysitter. And nobody actually cares about me. So it's fine when I'm out without you guys." Ni-Ki frustratedly replies.

Sunghoon's brow creases as he sits up straighter. "What? What did you just say?" He asks, for clarification. Oh man, had he messed up again, somehow? Sunghoon is far too difficult to decipher.

Ni-Ki sighs. "I said that when it's me on my own, I go unnoticed." He reiterates, formulating it differently in a hope that this was the good response to give. He doesn't want to pick up a fight with someone whose hand he's just held. This was a major step forward in the weird phase of stasis their relationship had recently entered.

"No." The former ice skater replies, shaking his head. "That's not quite what you said." He draws in a breath, gaze turning to the window. Oh, disapproval, nice. "You said that nobody cared about you..." Which he hadn't meant like that. But of course, that's what Sunghoon focuses on, somehow vexed? This makes no sense.

_Still, Ni-Ki tries._

"I didn't mean to include the group. Of course I know you guys care about me. And I have my family too." The youngest member elaborates. "And my friends. And some fans too. I know that. I didn't think this one through. It just slipped out." He's met with silence. And it's heavier than a loaded conversation. But Ni-Ki doesn't feel like giving more explanations currently. Or ushering out more desperate apologies. He shouldn't have to. His thoughts are valid. If not poorly expressed. If his hyung wants to take it as a personal offense, so be it. He's tried enough. Squeezing his eyes shut, the male leans back into his seat and wishes for the ride to be short.

Xx

_Ni-Ki's done trying._

He knows because currently Sunghoon and him are the two left in the repetition room and doesn't feel like starting a conversation. Instead, he goes through the moves again, slow and in control, just to be sure the steps are grasped rather than on beat. Full, slowed movements tend to turn into more rough version at a faster pace. He doesn't want that. He wants finished and precise, no matter how fast he has to dance.

"Can you stop pushing me away for a minute and pretend we're close friends?"

The dance prodigy pauses, brows creasing as he searches for Sunghoon's gaze in the mirror in front of him. He can't possibly meant what he'd just said. "Pretend?" Ni-Ki asks after a visible swallow, genuinely taken aback.

Sunghoon's eyes widen in distress upon realizing just how misleading the sentence could be. "I mean..."

Ni-Ki shakes his head. "No, no. It's okay. You have every right to decide who you're friend with and if you feel closer to some than others. We don't have to be super close, we can be work friends." He nods, trying to convince himself. He probably had needed to hear that. His efforts weren't really discreet and perhaps Sunghoon is suffocating under all that affection he apparently doesn't want. "I'll figure this out. I... Sorry. I need to go." He leaves, confused about why it saddens him so much. Opening your heart really frickin sucks.

Xx

Ni-Ki runs into Sunoo first. He asks where Jake is, because Jake is supposed to be keeping him sane. He's under the shower. Great. Sunoo frowns, brows creasing as his lips press together in a pout. "Are you alright?" He asks, to give room to plausible deniability. He can tell his friend isn't doing too well, but he also knows Ni-Ki only talks when he wants to and with whom he feels like talking to.

"Am I too much?" Ni-Ki asks. "I mean, it's true, before I wasn't super close to any of you and I was carrying a lot of sadness because it's hard to watch people go so I was, I was afraid to bond with you guys but now, now I really did right? And, and it's, I—"

Sunoo brings a hand to his shoulder. Ni-Ki remembers how to breathe. "What?" The older member eventually asks, entirely puzzled by that development.

"The affection thing, it can put people off right? You shouldn't do it too much. But then I'm not sure I got the cursor on it. Before I was too cold and now I might be too hot. Bad analogy, but you get it. It can be too much right? Am I too much?" Ni-Ki reiterates.

"Oh." Sunoo sighs softly. "Take it from someone considered as 'too much' from many, you are not." He brings his other to Ni-Ki's shoulder. "Most of us are glad you're figuring yourself out and letting us in closer. We're all trying to build a bond that'll last a lifetime."

"Oh." Ni-Ki swallows. "Do you think it's okay to be only work friends though? It's still friendship right? It should be enough." It doesn't feel like enough. Well, to be fair, his bond with Sunghoon has never really felt like enough. That's why he's tried so hard to get closer to the other. But maybe he's gotten close. Maybe he kept getting closer and closer yet greedily wanted more.

"What?" Sunoo pulls away, taken aback. "You don't want to be closer than that with us?"

"Oh no!" Ni-Ki shakes his head. "It's not, it's not that! We already are closer than that! It's just that," His brows creases as he lowers his head. "I think I've been pushing too hard at Sunghoon's walls recently, he'd rather we only pretended to be super close from now on. I guess he needs some space. I can do that. I mean, I liked my space too at some point."

"He said that? Like that?" Sunoo inquires.

"Who said what?" Jay asks, approaching the two.

"Oh nothing!" Ni-Ki replies. "I think I misunderstood."

"Misunderstood what?" Jay presses further, now growing worried. "Did you run into someone while you were out?"

"No no!" Ni-Ki promises. "I, I actually have to go, you know, I'm all stinky from repetitions..."

Sunoo holds onto his arm. "Nah, I'm sorry but that's a conversation worth having."

Xx

" _It's awkwarrdd..._ " Jungwon whispers gaze focused on the food in front of him. Dinner is so silent that everybody hears the remark.

"Yeah, and whose fault is that?" Sunoo asks, louder as he pushes the food around his plate with a fork.

"Nobody's." Heeseung replies. "We are not doing that. There's no side to take here."

"Clearly not." Jay agrees. "We're all on one side."

Ni-Ki hums along, giving small nods. "We're all friends."

"And we're also a united team." Jake adds on. "Enhypen. _Seven lights that were shining alone discover each other and grow together. This is us._ "

"Oh my gosh, can we tone down with how dramatic all this is?" Ni-Ki asks. "It's my bad for talking about it in the first place, it's not a big deal. Can we like move on, please?"

"It's not your fault Sunghoon is just pretending to be your friend." Sunooreplies.

"He never said that." Jake replies.

"Can we not do the 'he said' with someone that's in the room?" Jungwon asks.

"Can we just not do any of this. It is not a big deal." Ni-Ki repeats. "All of us are closer to some others. Heeseung and Jungwon hyungs. Jake and Sunghoon hyungs. Sunoo hyung and I. We all have bonds deeper with some than others. It's a reality. It doesn't harm anyone to admit it. Can we be grown ups about it and move on?"

"Well," Sunghoon clears his throat. "full disclosure since that's apparently required, I do not pretend to be friends with anyone. I'm shit at pretending and I don't do things I don't want to do." He clarifies. "It's just earlier today Ni-Ki made a remark that worried me earlier today and I wanted him to open up to me so I said 'Can you stop pushing me away for a minute and pretend we're close friends?' and I get that it can be poorly interpreted but," He turned to Ni-Ki. "we're not super close and I just wanted you to talk freely like you would with Jake or K hyung. I wanted you to pretend we shared the same bond as you do with one of them if it was what it took for you to open up. I'm sorry it came off wrong but you didn't give me time to explain." Oh. That makes sense. But it's also so confusing coming from someone whose definitely been the reticent one to deepen their bond. The more Ni-Ki gets to know Park Sunghoon, the less he understands Park Sunghoon.

"I ran off because I was sad." Ni-Ki admits. Voicing his feelings. Ew. Shame on you K hyung for teaching him that sort of stuffs, really. "It's always one step forward three steps back with you. One second we were holding hands the next you're mad at me for expressing what I feel. I don't get how I'm supposed to be with you to be your friend."

"Just be you." Sunghoon replies.

Sunoo's brows crease. "Is it just me or does it feel so much like--" "a couple dispute? I get that vibe too." Jay admits.

"Oh you guys didn't know?" Heeseung asks. "Sunghoon has had a crush for a while." Ni-Ki's head jolts towards Heeseung so fast he might get whiplash.

"What? I thought Ni-Ki was the one with the crush?" Jungwon asks, getting several shocked gaze, including Ni-Ki. Because what the fuck? When did that happen? "What? It's obvious. Nobody plays that much Geometry Dash without smashing their phone if they don't have a goal in mind. Not unless they're insane." Ah. Yeah. Fair enough. It's worth noting that Jake is equally as bad as Ni-Ki with Geometry Dash. So the only person who actually finished that game years ago is Sunghoon. It's also worth noting that Ni-Ki and Jake don't like playing together that much and would rather sit around a mug of cocoa and talk instead of huddled together over a phone. They spend an awful lot of time doing that when Sunghoon is around though. Jake noticed.

Eventually, Sunghoon's eyes fell on him. And Ni-Ki couldn't say much really, because he sort of came to that conclusion on the spot. Which hey, it's a development.

"Ugh yes finally, Jakehoon time is back on track baby!" Jake happily declares.

"What?" Sunghoon asks, turning to face him.

"Please, do you think he tags along when you're with me because he loves me that much? Ni-ki and I spend a lot of time together already, I know my son, he doesn't stick around us for me." Jake explains.

"And you didn't tell me?" Sunghoon asks, through dangerously gritted teeth.

"Well it wasn't my place to, was it? Best friend, son," He says, in a perfect re-enactment of Troy Bolton. "son, best friend. Both important. Thus crushes are none of my business." He says and shrugs.

"Crushes? Hold on, you knew for the both of us?" It's now Ni-Ki's turn to ask, eyes narrowed as they zero on his hyung. Jake could have literally spelled it out for him and avoided hours of agony playing Geometry Dash to get two thumbs up and a smile every now and then?!

Jake clears his throat. "Well, I mean," He slips a little from his chair, a foot turned away already as he prepares himself for a possible escape. "I suspected it."

Ni-Ki and Sunghoon turn to one another. "He should run?" The dance prodigy inquires.

"Yeah, he should run." Sunghoon agrees. And turns to Jake. "Three seconds head start sounds fair. Run."

"Scram boy," Jay adds on as Sunoo whips out his phone. "scram."

"You're not actually gonna run after him, right?" Heeseung asks.

"No, not really." Ni-Ki says. "At least I'm not." He shrugs.

"Yeah, half the fun of it anyway is watching him take off yelling." Sunghoon concurs. "He'll run until he can't anymore and then hide somewhere. Eventually we'll go and free him." He shrugs.

"Oh, so you're just evil." Heeseung says and shrugs. "Good enough for me."

"But what if he hurts himself though?" Jungwon asks, worrying.

"He won't." Ni-Ki says. "Jake hyung isn't as clumsy or frail as he look, don't worry your pretty little head too hard." He says, a hand falling atop of Jungwon's head.

"I miss the time when most of your affection was directed at me." Sunoo comments, pouting a little.

"We will always have SunKi." Ni-Ki promises.

"Yeah, about that. Sunoo, Sunghoon..." Jay comments. "All that came to mind was Sungki to be honest."

"Not under my watch." Sunoo replies. "Find your own lane, sir." He points at Sunghoon with his fork.

"I... I did not know I needed a lane?" Sunghoon says, brows creasing. "Is," He turns to Ni-Ki. "Is there a lane there?"

"I..." The other just shrugs, neck getting stuck between his shoulders as he tugs on the hood of his sweater. "I'm sorry. I don't know what's a lane. My korean is not very good." He eventually says.

"Bullshit." Jay calls.

"Good thing I speak Japanese then." Sunghoon remarks, grinning.

"Yeah, before you go wildin', here's a free reminder that so do I. Better than Sunghoon." Jay says. "Please, keep it in mind, at all times. For my sanity."

"Please, what sanity?" Heeseung asks. "We all traded that away when we stepped a foot into the I-Land. Half of my blood is caffeine now and all the water in my body is just tears waiting to be shed."

"Mood." Most of them actually reply. Except for Jungwon.

"I... I worry about you, hyung." He says softly. "Do you wanna talk?" The talking about your feelings things? Might not be so horrible in the end.

"So... _Hoonki?_ " Heeseung tries, trying to change the subject. Yeah, Ni-Ki is done trying to talk. They should all agree never to do it again.

**Author's Note:**

> So...  
> Sungki? Hoonki? Nihoon? Parkimura? Nishark? 😂 What's the official stance here? Lowkey, I'm being swayed by HoonKi right now. But I'm open to suggestions.
> 
> No lie, this was so funny to write just because of the tone used in here.


End file.
